A friend asked me the other day: what is it that brings you the deepest joy in these recent days? Now after a brief moment of simple reflection, my answer was that in this life, what I have found to bring me my deepest joy is my complete and utter dependence; of which I know to be a consistent truth pervading in every part of my life.
It is inherent within our humanity to attempt at being independent, autonomous creatures. As our culture has slowly progressed to this insidiously individualistic convention, we have pursued the likeness of unique identity -- contrived and not discovered. We have created stabilizers within our identities that gives us security and confidence. In a complex identity that gives us every reason to become confident, we have forgotten the steadfastness of the Lord. We do not feel that this dependence is required to exhibit a life of worship. When the time comes that our need is particularly distressing, dependence is inevitable, but if we don't feel dependent in our highs of life, we would greatly appreciate this sort of independence. We love it. Might it be that in the moments when we feel the least dependent, are the moments when we need to be the most dependent? Might it be that moments of which our faith is rocking, our intellectual life is thriving, and our social life is vivacious are the very moments we need to recognize our dependence upon the grace of the Lord?
I have found that it is in the moments of my weakness, when my faith is tested through the fire, when I recognize not only my dependence on the body of Christ but Christ himself, that I've felt the most steadfast in the Lord. They are the moments when I know I am clinging on to the true God. It is in the very moments of my life's highs when I recognize that my confidence has overtaken, my dependence on the Lord has shrunk, and I feel that there is nothing I cannot accomplish in my own strength. Those are the very moments where I feel affirmed in my stabilizing in the various facets of life that are easily accessible such as friendships, intellectual ability, passions, and the like. In our ignorance of our dependence, whether through mental acknowledgment or through emotional desperation, human autonomy will begin to sink deep into our pores. In such a reality, confidence will be seated on the throne of God in our life, falsity will be accepted, and we will fall to our moral ruin. Depravity will be embraced, contrition will be rejected, and life will be reckless -- whether or not it LOOKS tranquil or filled with happiness. The seeming satisfaction in the seeming life of worship will instead be the gratification within the life of excellence.
Dependence is a grace that God has given to us to paint for us the glory of a strength, confidence, peace, joy, and the like that is enamored in truth instead of good sin that is embellished with a righteousness that cannot save.
