I will try to weave through my thoughts as I share of consistent experiences in my prayers of the groaning within my flesh, but when it became the most evident and burdensome this past week I decided to write. As I sat within a prayer chapel, in silence, meeting the Lord's presence, the spirit in my flesh began to groan quite evidently; to the point where I said to myself, my spirit is groaning, Lord Jesus I desire you desperately to fill and to heal, for us as your creation. This is the word of the Lord:
"For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience. Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose."
Romans 8:22-28
As followers of Jesus Christ and ambassadors of reconciliation, there is a need for recognition of the forgiveness of Jesus that leads to reconciliation; that which is not only with the human race, but for the human race with each other, with God, and with creation mutually. At the sight of this, an embodying character that we need to inherit is a love growing to fullness as Jesus calls, one which is of all the heart, all the mind, all the soul, and all the strength. Love can not be weighed on a scale, but love can be seen in maturity; love can be seen in greatness when we see others struggling to love yet continuing to love at the most maximal point. Now I am speaking of my experience, so bear with me. In response to such a deep love, there needs to be a discernment of whether such a love is true love or one such tool for a holy reputation. Satan is a sly and wise evil power in moving at pleasing virtue to the most filthy sin. When such a love is confirmed by the Spirit and seen through our bearing of fruit, both will present itself biblically in our lives.
Through my prayers, a constant request is that the Lord will speak through my mouth from my heart in spirit and in truth; out of purity who manifests the only truth. Time and time again, I experience a desperation in the bearing of burdens therefore partially sharing in the burdens of my brothers and sisters, and not only so, but even sharing in the suffering of other parts of creation itself. It is at this time, but not exclusively at this time, in closer communion of the Lord Jesus Christ. This is what it means when we say break our heart for what breaks yours Jesus. A much heavier weight than most people usually expect when they actually sing or speak the prayer in sincerity. As our heart empathize with the Lord as he wept for Lazarus or as he saw the Pharisees imposing burdens but not bearing burdens, as Jesus asks the Father to be one with us as they were one, as Jesus asks the Father to forgive for we do not know what we were doing as we crucified him; this is the very feeling we partially receive. We do not feel it wholly just as we do not see more than a glimpse of glory, just as we only share in suffering and not receive Jesus' suffering, but we do gain a sense of such a taste. Times through praying through the many broken people who write down their prayer request in this prayer chapel, praying for certain struggling people, praying through that which pierces my heart in Haiti and every other third world country, praying for divisions in churches, and the separation between us and the rest of creation leads me to crying out in much want.
It is the build up which the Lord places a brokenness in my heart, a supernatural intercession in my prayers, a groaning of the spirit who I cannot seem to misunderstand is what the Lord feels; how much more, in a whole is the taste when one is omnipresent and omniscient. The Spirit truly gives me groanings to deep for words because half of that which come out of me does not come out of this body of mine. Let's pretend for a moment to be orphans waiting for adoption as sons; yes there is a sense of internal torment as we are nurtured in an orphanage hoping for a parent one day, yet in our case, knowing that there is a day. God is the parent who sees his child as an orphan waiting also for the day that is right, when we're ready to be adopted, but he knows we are his, and he watches us in our torment, he desires the restored relationship with us far more.
Such groaning does not end in brokenness as I've written in one previous post, it ends in healing. For all who love God, all things work out for the good and purposefully; the Lord fills with a peace and yet again renews my spirit in comfort. It is this part of love that the Lord leads us to experience; and it is at that moment of my prayers, the very end of it, that the Lord helps me to come to know that this constant discovery of what love in truth and in spirit is is becoming a fuller and fuller picture. Lord Jesus, let us become more capable of experiencing you, and at that moment, let us see more than a glimpse of your glory and your love.
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