This is actually a post I had been meaning to write up for a quite a period of time.
It is hard to articulate through such a painful experience. I remembered trying to find the correct words in my speechlessness to produce a summation of this particular time of strife. The previous passage that I had shared with you all sometime in the end of April I believe was a passage that caught my eye as I was reading through the second letter to the Corinthian church. It was titled 'Paul's Joy' in the ESV translation and possibly something similar to this in other translations. I shared it with you all partly because it was a passage that God blessed me with as he demonstrated to me an admirable affection to achieve only through the humbling of myself before God and to his chosen people - my brothers and sisters. The other factor initiating my choice was because it was not as straightforward as the rest of the passages in 2 Corinthians, but rather more implicate and more of an in-depth study in my perspective. Therefore, I only half-understood the passage. I remember also that as I read this passage, after reflecting and taking some time to treasure this passage in thanksgiving because of the message conveyed to me, I said something along the lines of, 'oh how I wish that I understood this passage more fully.' Hah, God certainly heard both my spoken words and the desire upon my aligned heart and mind. Many passages, as we know, can be taught through a sermon and others through a devotional, but through this experience, I believe also that there are some that proves to be a daunting task if we were earnest to present it in a pastoral presentation. And perhaps, this may be one of them.
God spoke to me through my internal struggle for the next few days which was caused by a nearly ascetic way of living. Of course I cannot possibly live fully in asceticism, but as Christians, we all strive to - hopefully. Though it was not just the relational life that was driving me onto my weak knees everyday, but in further wholeness, I was being drained mentally through my rigorous academic work and overall, my busy college life. Even so mentioning, my relationships were what mainly caused me to feel the way I had felt. I believed in those whom I befriended and served. I pursued a life of holiness, aiming for the vision of 'on earth as it is in heaven' to be made more of a reality in my life so that Christ would work through my body in which I beat (1 Cor.9:26). By this, I mean that I aimed to live influentially, preaching the words given to me through the Spirit of God, letting go of a life in which I indulged in comfort, and intentionally going to places where I met my friends at where they were at, even though they did not expect me to be there. I desired to show the love, the care, and my affection and yearning for their lives that they might be the aroma of Christ (2 Cor.2:15) as was preached. I desired for us to live in fellowship with one another and desired for each of our lives to be in repentance. And a life in repentance is recognizable when perceived through a time period because transformation is progressively seen. My joy is found in the watching of this transformation in my brothers and sisters which has been manifested to me through the enlightened eyes that Christ had given to me.
What we receive at times is that living an intentional and incarnate life is draining and hard, especially when we go at it alone. I believe that this was what I was going through. 'Surely, the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.'(Mark 10:38) And my flesh did become weak, physically, mentally, spiritually - 'our bodies had no rest, but we were afflicted at every turn.' In a time where there was joy for one divine manifestation and simultaneously exhaustion from my fleshly limitations, I was in need of but one thing. A God-provided consolation directly from the hands of my brothers and sisters - that after I had cared and loved those the Lord surrounded me with, I would receive even greater joy and comfort when realizing that these brothers who has become fervid in their faith for Christ, has become those who also aimed to live a life filled with affection for those who had served them. That was when I realized that Paul became embraced with the package of love from the people of the Corinthian church that Titus had brought back to him which comforted him. This zeal that his people had for him renewed both him and those journeying with him. He goes on to talk about how this zeal for the shepherd of the Corinthian church had been wrought. Godly grief in repentance. But overall, an even greater joy transcended upon Paul when he finally found that his people was yearning for him and his bold life.
My friend found me that night, tired and speechless in prayer. When I spoke to him about how weary I was, I didn't want anything but the Lord to speak to me through his lips. I asked him to put his hands on me and pray for me. I heard the Lord that night when I was in a toilsome state. I finally understood this passage. My friend showed me great affection and an even greater joy was wrought from his yearning for me in my struggles. And then I was reminded, 'And his affection for you is even greater, as he remembers the obedience of you all, how you received him with fear and trembling.'(2 Cor.7:15) It was a complicated matter, but an experiential discovery that helped me to share in the joy of Paul in a much lesser extremity. In the end, what I find that I hold on to when all else had been let go, was the promise of Christ of his coming back and establishment of salvation in the day of the Lord.
Embrace is a gift that we have physically and a great gift that we should use indeed. For some do not hold this particular gift of embrace from their brothers and sisters, and for the least of these, we shall treasure this gift of embrace. What I've also found is that I need to yearn for my brothers and sisters. The moment that we begin to be able to declare wholeheartedly that we yearn for one another, will be when being sons of God as peacemakers will truly flesh out.
Father, speak to us as your word is made into flesh. But I ask that you don't always give us revelation, lest we enter into a trial with a hard heart, therefore neglecting the divine manifestation of your Spirit. Instead, would you surprise us in our times and seasons of suffering that we might reap the fruit of your harvest in its intended abundance. In all situations, let thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. I ask for our desire to embrace and our desire to yearn for your people to continually increase that we might be vessels of your truth in the gospel.
In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit,
Amen
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